Moving So Soon?

Yes, I am. I just now discovered that there is an actual blog for people who love to explore Oregon called The Real Oregon.

As a native Oregonian, I'm down with anything that promotes getting the hell out of the house and enjoying the greatest land on earth, and I don't want to step on toes, so I will decamp this and move on over to Real Oregon Reality. Additonally by naming it this way, I can poke more fun at the justly-departed blog of Robert Canfield, Oregon Reality which was funny because it should have been named Oregon Republican Reality, which is a dark and scary place, and filled with base slander directed toward Bojack. The Man. and his family.

Robert may or may not have gotten what he deserved ... but he got what he got. Never poke at tigers with sticks, Bob. They are slow to anger, but once they do, they will get you.

Please join me over at The Real. The salon continueth there.

Nothing Whatsover To Do With Sam Adams In This Item

Two words for you: Wes Cooley. I'd thought we'd been done with him but, as most things Republican in Oregon, it keeps coming back like a drug-resistant staph infection.

Ah, yes, Wes Cooley. Our very own, Contract-with-America generation, conservative-ranchin M.C. from the traditionally dry 2nd Congressional District. Take Wes's views and throw a sweater on 'em, and you have Greg Walden (which is fortunate for Greg, as he went on to succeed him).

Wes Cooley kind of represented the up-and-coming of the current generation of Oregon Republicans, only he was, evolutionarily-speaking, sort of a way-station. Before this group, your average (electable) Oregon Republican was a bit uptight and was maybe like your best friend's pipe-smoking, respectable, country-club Dad, but he was straight with you.

If, for instance, you came upon a fresh dog doot on the street, he wouldn't huff an puff about how that it was really a Baby Ruth but the liberals and the liberal media were telling you it was dog poop. He'd tell you it was dog poop and expect you to deal with it.

Post-Wes, your average Oregon Republican would not stop there, but would continue to build it up; not only was it a Baby Ruth, it was in fact a whole supply-side candy store that would keep out illegal immigrants and generate more jobs than the economy would tolerate while at the same time cutting taxes and helping the poor–and when caught lying about it, cry foul that they were misunderstood.

In the breach between then and now stood Wes. Wes loved the dryside, and the drysiders loved him back. He was a rugged individualist on everything, from ranching to business the government ... and, of course, also with respect to the truth, which, to him, was something like an onion. It had layers:

1. He told a story about being in the Korean War
   
2. When the story didn't hold up, he claimed he was a member of a Special Forces unit sworn to secrecy.
3. He claimed the records were destroyed in a fire, but Sergeant Major Poppy could back him up
4. Sadly, Sergeant Major Poppy was KIA.
5. Unfortunately, Sergeant Major Poppy was actually in a state doctors call "Still Alive".
6. And Sergeant Poppy didn't actually command him in a secret Special Forces unit.
7. And Sergeant Poppy wasn't in a SF unit at all, actually–he was Wes' D.I. in Basic.
8. And three other veterans backed him up on that.
9. Wes claimed Poppy must have Alzheimers, and quit lying about his service.
10. Wes then claimed he had a Phi Beta Kappa key.
11. When it turned out he hadn't, he claimed it was some other honor society he could not recall.
12. And then he claimed motorcycle championship honors he didn't have.
13. And then, to just put the whipped cream on top, he claimed it was character assassination by the Media (it does sound like Sam Adams, after all ... )
14. And, for a while, it looked like his wife was recieving Vet's widows benefits that she wasn't entitled to
15. Until it seemed to turn out that he was apparently lying about the date of his marriage too.
    

I realize a lot of Republican officeholders would look at that list and say "I don't see the problem here." And that's why sane people don't vote Republican. It's interesting to note that Judge Albin Norblad, in Marion County (if this were the 1800's, they'd have called Norblad a "hanging judge" ... he didn't take crap from anyone) sentenced him to two years probation, making Our Wes the only politician we know who has actually been legally punished for lying to voters.

Anyway, that's actually beside the point here. What caught our attention is something The Oregonian reported this last week (credit the very good Jeff "Shadout" Mapes):

Cooley, 76, who represented eastern Oregon in the U.S. House for one term in the 1990s, was charged with six counts of money laundering and one count of filing a false income tax return in 2002 to conceal more than $1.1 million in illicit income. If convicted, he faces a maximum sentence of 38 years in federal prison.


According to the indictment, the investment scheme centered on the sale
of shares in BidBay.com, a startup Internet auction firm, and several
related shell companies. The indictment alleges that investors were
lured by false statements, including a claim that BidBay was about to
be acquired by eBay, the established and hugely successful Internet
auction company.

Wes! You're 76 and you're setting yourself up for a life sentence in Club Fed? What the hell were you thinking?

It must be noted, to create a clearer picture of the character of the man in question, he tried a comeback in 1998.

In his Voter's Pamphlet statement ... he still claimed that he was in the Special Forces:

U.S. Army: Company L, 63rd Infantry; Basic Airborne, Fort Benning, GA; 25th Special Forces Operation Detachment; 10th Special Forces Group;
HQ & HQ Company, Special Forces Group, Fort Bragg, NC," and "U.S.
Army, Special Forces; Veteran, Korean Conflict; Military Specialty of
Demolition Specialist (MOS33533 — prefix "3" indicates completion of
Special Combat Training).

This, even though he was gigged for it in a Circuit Courtroom some years before.

Republican ethics and morals. It's the gift that just keeps. on. giving!

Thanks for stopping by in the news stream, Wes. It's been a while.

The Problem With Oregon Republicans, Part 1

So, you're in a state that, through the years that mattered the most in the 20th Century, was reliably, almost (you'll excuse the hoary old term) "rock-ribbed" Republican. Perhaps the most famous and beloved Governor in your state's history–the great Tom McCall–was a Republican. Some of the most honorable modern public servance in the state's recent history–men like Vic Atiyeh–were Republican.

And people liked you!

But recently you and your party succumbed to the sweet, sweet song that the national party did: win at all costs, treat Democrats like the evil you deep down know that you are. Boy, that reactionism is to the political sould like Red Bull.

You get majorities in the state house. You make it impossible for those evil Democrats (who were once your neighbors you just disagreed with; now you see them for what they are–sinister invaders from God-knows-where) to get anything done. You put someone from the entrepreneur class of Portland conservatives in charge of the State House of Representatives who takes pride in shutting down anything she doesn't like. You let Representatives run around telling lies about and attacking the public employee unions (who serve him even though he loathes them).

For about 10 years, it works just fine. The people drink the Kool Aid and are sure that you've found the cause to the Oregon's ills, all forgetting the famous dictum of H.R. Mencken that said:

There is always a well-known solution to every human problem--neat, plausible, and wrong.

And you've been selling them that solution. It sold like hotcakes. Success was on the horizon for as far as the blinkered eye could see.

But eventually the population tired of the budgets that never quite supplied the needs their taxes paid for and got tired of the Legislature that never worked and tired of the Kool Aid because, after more than 10 years of drinking it, the taste had gone real sour.

In 2008, you have no candidates for major office with a hope of winning. In 2009, all state offices belong to The Evil Democrats, including one occupied by a man who used to be one of you.

The handwriting's on the wall. You're in a hole. What do you do? Keep digging? Or admit to yourself that maybe you've gone down the wrong path, one that's made you a minority party with a multi-hundred-thousand-dollar debt, few prospects, and the laughing-stock of Oregon politics, with The Enemy having a supermajority in the Oregon State Senate?

Ah, if you've not been following this story and you figure the answer is to stop diggin' that hole, you haven't sampled the fine, heady wine that is the intellectual treasury of Oregon Republicans today.

I give it away, of course, but will provide the answer and expand on that thought in Part 2, coming up next.

Schadenfreude, Episode 1

Now that Pajamas Media is going all PajamasTV and sh*t, guess they don't have any use for the foot soldiers any more ...

PJM to Jeff Goldstein of Protein Wisdom (amongst other prolix waste):

As you know, last September Pajamas Media began a new initiative in Internet television called Pajamas TV. When we started with our RNC coverage from Minneapolis, we noted that we would be in a Beta Phase through the first quarter of 2009. In the last few months we have strengthened the PJTV lineup with shows covering Media Bias, Education Bias, Middle East Update, Sharia and Jihad, Powerline Report, Ask Dr. Helen, Hugh News, Poliwood, Conservatism 2.0, Economy and Finance, National Security, and others.

As the end of the first quarter approaches and we near the production phase of Pajamas TV, we will continue to build our emphasis in this area. As a result we have decided to wind down the Pajamas Media Blogger and advertising network effective March 31, 2009. The PJM portal and the XPressBlogs will continue as is.

Jeff reacts:

What this means is that as of April 1, I am officially out of work. So save going to a pay model, this site will likely have to shut down.

Small price to pay for helping PJM pick up an audience and credibility during its “formative years.”

Yeah. Wank in public for free and what thanks do you get?

And you thought that liberals were the only people who threw their own under the bus. Actually, this seems more like a movement eating its own young, but still.

BTW, by "crediblity" I think you actually meant to say "risibility". Hope that helped.

(Via ...)

I liked her better when she was bassist with The Bangles

Apparently, Michael Steele is now the Chairman of the RNC. Who knew?

PS:Hah! Gotcha!

An Oregonian. A Leftie. Another Damn Poliblogger

There are some things I'd like to put on the table, right off the bat here.

There are eight billion poliblogs out there. This is yet another. I intend on being sparkling and scintillating and brilliant, because that's just the way I am. It's inborn.

I am a native Oregonian, about MYOB years old, who was born and has lived his entire life in the Willamette Valley ... pretty much the best place in the entire benighted world.

I am a liberal. You bet, the "L" word. I've watched as time has gone on and Oregonians have mostly preserved and partially trashed it, but Oregon herself has stayed pretty much intact, though I wonder for how long.

I don't like the Republican party. The Republican party is an organization that strives to limit your rights and freedoms, particularly your Constitutionally-assured right to the pursuit of happiness, while telling people that they are, in fact, doing the precise opposite. One of the things I hope to do is to figure out why some of you foolish people continue to believe them.

Seriously, they just pay lip service. You guys need to wake up.

This blog is anonymous. I'm not, however, out to slime anyone or pull a Robert Canfield on anyone. I have been a reader of Portland, Oregon blogs for a great long time, and watched with vicarious trepidation as he shot himself in the foot over and over and over again in a slander campaign against the somehow-appointed dean of Portland Bloggers, Bojack The Man.

I think there is a way to be anonymous and to gore some oxen that badly need it, and maybe be a little rude and blunt, but without openly insulting anyone or threatening thier livelihoods. Free speech is a bitch, y'all. And that too is something I'd like to explore.

I want to make fun of the Republican party.

Of the above, all may or may not be true. The only thing I will guarantee is that I'm an actual Oregonian, and I live in Portland.

Let the travesty begin.